My balls are so social today.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
