I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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