just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
