I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
