This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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