I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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