my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
