gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
