Sry I called you an 8
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
