Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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