The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
