i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
