I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
