Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
