this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize