the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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