i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
