I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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