Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
soo... how was my night?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
