Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
