I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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