You just made me feel so damn special
I should be sponsored by Trojan
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
