I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
