dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
