All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
