But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
