I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
