i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
