All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
