how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
