Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
