And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
