I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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