Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
