Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
