yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
