hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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