Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
