you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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