I wish I could teleport
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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