Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
