I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
