yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
