No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
