Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
