shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
