i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
