Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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