Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
