"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I looked at my own cervix.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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