I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
