im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
