i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
