I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
