dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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