I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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