See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
