scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
