Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think people are normalizing furries
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
