She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
