1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize