This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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