ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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