after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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