I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
