thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
