Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
