At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize