I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I am puke
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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