It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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