We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
