I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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