I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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