i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
