i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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