I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Randomize
