I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize