90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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